ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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