That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
