I think I just saw someone hide a body.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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