The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
