and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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