my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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