in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
