Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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