i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
