You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
