Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
