If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
