that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
