if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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