Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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