Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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