I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
