she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
