and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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