I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
