the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
