oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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