You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
