My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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