I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
