He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
