I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
worst night to have a conscience
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
