He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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