3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
