I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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