And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
