ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize