I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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