i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
