why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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