Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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