I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
