so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
