You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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