the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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