there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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