I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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