i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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