if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
