ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
