were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
