i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
