I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
