I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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