How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
