I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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