I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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