sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
