Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
