my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
