Im at strip club and am horny
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
