Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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