I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
