Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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