I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
