remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
