How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
