hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
