So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
