Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
