Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
