I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
