Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My bed smells like the plague
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
