i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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