I need help removing her.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
