.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
