I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
