"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize